Yoga and the Art of Collaborating with Reality

The spooks may be out, but fortunately Halloween give us a great opportunity to lean in rather than resist. Have fun!

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Way back in May, NY Times Opinion Writer, Ezra Klein, interviewed Pema Chödrön on his podcast show. He titled the episode: This Is Why I Find Pema Chödrön So Essential. I remember being immediately intrigued.
 
Among the many jewels of wisdom that Pema shared, there was one that I recall really resonated with me. So much so, that I’ve been thinking about it from time to time over these past months. In the interview, Pema said that her teacher, Chögyam Trungpa Rimpoche, “once gave a talk, and the topic was collaborating with reality.”
 
That phrase “collaborating with reality” has stayed with me ever since. 
 
There are many times when I find myself disliking the reality of what’s going on either within me or outside of myself. Sometimes I’ll find myself experiencing a difficult emotion or I’ll be in a mental funk. Other times I’ll experience something in my environment that I don’t like.
 
Pema’s advice for moments like these was simple: “Lean In.” 
 
More fully, here’s what she said:
 
Leaning in means you physically stop resisting what’s happening, and you relax with it. The thing is that the contrast is so great between resisting and then relaxing that somehow it’s not that hard to do.
 
I recall back in August I was leaving a yoga class and when I stepped outside a torrential rain storm was occurring. While I didn’t have far to go, it was so intense that I knew I was going to get drenched. At first, I just waited hoping that it was going to stop. Then at some point, I just realized I was going to get wet so I took a leap and made my way home. Not too long into my journey, I realized I was going to get more than just a little wet—actually it was like I was taking a shower with all my clothes on. While I can’t say the experience was entirely fun, by accepting what was happening it became less painful. To Pema’s point, once I began to relax and accept the situation, it was not too hard to shift from resisting to relaxing. So, in my own humble way, this was a moment in my life when I was practicing “collaborating with reality.”
 
Pema goes on to say:
 
Because it’s so tangible, this resisting thing. I can feel everything in me is pushing away, and that’s fruitless. It’s not going to help at all. Whereas, when I just let it be what it is and stop tensing against it, then it becomes totally fine.
 
I will admit that sometimes difficult mental emotions are not so easy to lean into. But I think there’s a gradation to “leaning in.” While it can start with “not resisting”—which is basically heading in the direction of “leaning in”—that may be as far as one can take it. Afterall, it takes a lot practice to become skilled at handling, dealing with, and confronting difficult emotions. At times like this, here’s what Pema suggests: be Embodied, Present, and Kind.
 
More fully, in her own words here is the lesson she shared that has helped me:
 
To grow in the ability to know what to do when an emotion grabs you, it’s helpful to remember three words: embodied, present, and kind. Drop into your body, bring your attention to where you are right now, and be kind. When there’s an upsurge of emotion, these three words can help you to deescalate. The main instruction is to stay conscious and, as Tsoknyi Rinpoche has said, “You have to be willing to feel some discomfort.” This is, after all, training for both life and for death, both of which are rarely painless.
 
So true that life is rarely painless. And so, this guidance is helpful to me—particularly when I am in the throes of difficult mental states.
 
Ezra Klein commented during the interview:
 
Somebody once said to me that the amount of growth you are capable of is a direct correlate of the amount of discomfort you’re willing to tolerate.
 
On one hand this makes a lot of sense to me. On the other hand, I have to caution myself against letting in too much discomfort—too many difficult emotions—as I may become overwhelmed and begin to shut down and wall-off.
 
In my experience, baby steps are all that is needed in the beginning as I step further onto this journey of working with my own difficult emotions. The beginning steps of “leaning in” are first allowing myself to feel the feelings in my body, and then staying present with them and not running away from them. And most importantly, practicing being kind to myself. This, for sure, is not always easy to do and it’s really a matter of practicing over and over again.
 
I know the deepest places of fear within that scare us the most are spooky to confront. But as you continue your path towards becoming more enlightened—whether it be through yoga, meditation, and/or any spiritual practice that resonates with you—I sincerely hope they can help you to lean in more and collaborate with reality more often.
 
As always, I know how difficult this kind of work can be. So, I bow down to your best efforts, whatever and however much they may be.
 
May you be happy, …
May you be healthy, …
May you collaborate with reality, …
And as you lean in ever so closer to what is actually happening, may whatever newly found reality you experience benefit not only you, but also those nearest and dearest to you, and ultimately from there spread out to somehow help All Beings Everywhere.
 
Aloha and Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun

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Images from this past month where I found myself leaning in more and collaborating with Awe.

My husband and I had fun decorating our front porch for Halloween. My contribution is the Charlie Brown pumpkin in the center, which I decorated all from my memories of watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown when I was a kid. You're never too old to be a kid again!

Meanwhile, our neighbors went all out in decorating the front of their house!

A winged statue tethered to the Earth and a winged machine flying freely overhead against the backdrop of a magnificent sky next to the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. This confluence of images made me lean in!

At this time of year, Nature is collaborating with the reality of colder temperatures to create exquisite beauty.

Photo Credits:
All photos shot by me.