Finding Freedom through Yoga ... and Mel Robbins

I found this little turtle in the rain gutter near our home and took it out back close to the lake. By releasing our grasp on life, we and others can experience freedom.

……………………

Sometime in the recent past few months, I came across this article in the New York Times: Mel Robbins Wants You to Lose Control. It was so intriguing that it led me to go on and listen to this Modern Love Podcast: Let Mel Robbins Share Her 5 Tips for a Healthy Relationship several times in order to try to glean some helpful insights.

Who is Mel Robbins? She’s an author and podcaster. She’s written a New York Times best-seller book The Let Them Theory. In previous career iterations, she’s been a lawyer and CNN legal analyst, life-coach, and radio show host. 

Here is one of the key quotes from the NY Times article:

“The book’s premise? If you stop trying to manage other people’s opinions, actions and moods, then your well-being and relationships will improve. Friends hanging out without you? Let them! Relatives griping about you? Let them! Your date ghosts you? Let them! Don’t stress about what you cannot control; focus on what you can.”

And I as a yoga teacher would add: if you are teaching a class and you see a student going off the rails doing their own flow that is different than what you are presenting, just LET THEM! True story – I was teaching a group yoga class recently and a student in the front row was doing his own thing as I was leading the class through my Hanumanasana sequence. So, I did as Marsha P. Johnson (see my recent June blog) would have done – I paid him no mind! It freed me up to honor my own truth and not get distracted by other people’s actions.

The NY Times article goes on to say:

"The first half of the 'let them' idea is about freeing yourself from the burden of trying to manage other people. As for the second half, Robbins turns to another concept: 'let me.'”

"It goes like this: after releasing what you cannot control, you say 'let me' and take responsibility for your next steps. Without that idea, you run the risk of simply shutting down and isolating yourself, the book warns."

Later, the article quotes Dr. Robert Waldinger, a psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School who has appeared on Robbins’s podcast:

“I think what Mel is saying is that, most of the time, life goes better if we let people make their own choices.”

I for one can admit that I’ve tried to control and manage other people. Actually, I think it’s a very common human tendency and I highly suspect that I am not alone. Perhaps it’s tied into on our need to feel like we’re in control in our own lives, a way of keeping the ground beneath us stable and steady. 

But the freeing part of all this is that the energy we spend directed towards other people’s actions can be used and applied to our own actions. One the negative side, we might indeed shut down and isolate if managing other people has been firmly rooted in the foundations of our own identities and that foundation now feels groundless. However, on the positive side, “Let me” might lead us to take responsibility to strengthen our own foundations with new mindsets, beliefs, and practices. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us:

"Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice … “

And later he goes on to say:

“… No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out."

I like this teaching because it reminds us that we are the only ones that can truly set ourselves free. No one else can, and trying to control other people moves us farther away from this realization. 

In Yoga, the concept of “letting go” is addressed in the practice of Aparigraha. Yoga Teacher Molly Lannon Kenny wrote a short essay entitled: Aparigraha: loosening the grip and finding freedom. In it, she writes:

"Aparigraha is one of the yamas, or the first limb, of Yoga.  Although it is most often translated as "non-attachment," a more correct translation would be something like "non-grasping," or non-hoarding.  Our tendency to hold on tightly is something intrinsically human, and provides us with a false sense of control. ..."

"... The sense of control is indeed, however, false and leads us to feelings of constriction and scarcity.  We ended up having less space, less spaciousness, and we cling to superficial beliefs that cloud our ability to reach for something much deeper to believe in."

As a reminder to all of us who practice yoga, the yamas make up the first limb of yoga. They are practices we should bring to our yoga mat even before we step on to it.

To me, the "let them" theory ties into yoga and Buddhist practices in that by not grasping onto an idea of how someone should be acting or a fixed idea of what a yoga posture should look like we can experience relief in our bodies and clarity in our minds. And it frees us up – as Thich Nhat Hanh said – to be more able to be aware of each step and each breath.

Freedom is a goal of yoga. Cultivating spaciousness in our bodies and minds is why we practice. Freedom and spaciousness in the face of the many life illusions thrown our way allows them to dissolve.

When we loosen the grip on how we find ourselves viewing things, it allows for the heart to expand, and for our basic goodness to flow to the surface of our awareness.

In these very hyperpolarized times, I hope that the “let them” theory, the practice of aparigraha, the slowing down to experience each in-breath and each out-breath can all help you to find more freedom.

I leave you with one final quote from James Baldwin, who said:

"If we can liken life, for a moment, to a furnace, then freedom is the fire which burns away illusion." 

I hope yoga can help you lift the veil of illusions you’ve been living under and ultimately reveal a reality that is truly transcendent.

May you be happy, …
May you be healthy, …
May you let them, … 
May you loosen your various grips, …
May you breathe with awareness, …
May your newly acquired freedom in some way unique to you serve All Beings Everywhere.

Aloha and Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun

……………………

These sights in July freed my soul.

Water lilies of some unknown variety at Marie Selby Botanical Gardens. Similar to the lotus blossom -- which in yoga symbolizes rebirth and enlightenment -- the dark muddy water is the important ingredient needed to bring forth such immense beauty.

Q: why did the Sand Hill crane cross the road? A: I have no idea why but as Mel Robbins would say "let them." As long as they are not harming anyone, they are free to do whatever their innate nature wants them to.

A salute to freedom at the Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks. I've never seen the Brooklyn Bridge look any prettier all dressed up in lights!

Like Tanya McQuoid in The White Lotus, things of beauty set my soul free.

View from Parrish, FL on July 25th. The seeds of change they are 'a blowin' in the wind.

……………………

Photo Credits:
Photos from around NYC and Florida all shot by me.