Yoga and the Art of Working with the Unknown, part 2
/
The sky above may be cloudy and grey, but spring keeps springing as leaves are awakening into an unknown future.
Yoga and the Art of Working with the Unknown (part 1)
/
View from midtown Manhattan, March 30th. We know the Light is there, we just don't know when it will shine brightly again.
Here it is, March 31st – the last day of an extraordinary month in human history. So much calamity, fear, and suffering, and also so many opportunities for ingenuity, generosity and discipline to arise.
We are bathed in a lot of quiet right now, something that most people like me who live in New York City are not used to. Yet, in some ways, as yoga practitioners, we’ve been preparing ourselves for this moment. It’s almost like we’ve been forced to go on that silent meditation retreat that we’ve long wished we had the time in our busy lives to carve out for and do. Now, many of us have that time.
For this month’s theme in my yoga classes, I went back to one of my favorites that I’ve shared in the past. Little did I know back at the beginning of this month when I chose my theme that it would end up being so apropos to this particular moment.
Many years ago I listened to Bill Moyers interviewing Pema Chödrön. I never forgot what she said:
The best spiritual instruction is when you wake up in the morning and say “I wonder what’s going to happen today,” … and carry that kind of curiosity through your life.
The goal of practicing yoga and meditation is to try to keep the mind open and spacious, and keep it from becoming clouded over. One of the best ways to do that is remain curious. It will help free the mind to consider possibilities, rather than get bogged down in limited thinking.
And I don’t know where or when this thought came to me, but someone once said:
Revel in not knowing.
Unknown
Yes, not knowing can be scary. And, it can be liberating as well.
Most of us are facing a lot of questions that cannot be answered at this time. And since we don’t have a playbook for this moment, most of us are flying by the seat of our pants.
But what if we gave ourselves the space and the OK to not know. Might we be able to even dare ourselves in reveling in not knowing? In this way, life can become thrilling, not threatening, as Pema Chödrön likes saying.
Don’t think you’re alone in your fears. To that, Pema says:
There is a common misunderstanding among the human beings who have ever been born on earth that the best way to live is to try to avoid pain and just try to get comfortable. You see this even in insects and animals and birds. All of us are the same. A much more interesting, kind and joyful approach to life is to begin to develop our curiosity, not caring whether the object of our curiosity is bitter or sweet. …
So, working with the unknown right now involves cultivating the capacity to remain curious for longer periods of time. It involves being more fully in the present moment by returning to the feeling of the breath over and over again. It involves becoming your own best yoga teacher by cultivating a regular daily personal routine. It doesn’t have to be long. Just do a few sun salutations, maybe a shoulder stand or head stand, and savasana.
I hope that your yoga and meditation practices heretofore have prepared you for this moment.
May your mind be curious, …
May your mind be open and freer, …
May you somehow seize this moment, …
For the benefit of all beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paui Keoni Chun
Yoga and the Art of Practicing Love
/
Nature exhibiting the Art of Practicing Love
I have a fantasy about what happens when you die. In my wildest imagination, I think that at that moment we pass into an awareness of an overwhelming sense of being held in love.
Valentine’s Day is an occasion to deepen one’s relationship with one’s beloved, one’s significant other. It can also be an opportunity to deepen our love for our own selves, to honor our own beings, and to listen to the callings of our own hearts. It is an opportunity for some of our own self-loathing patterns to die, and for us to be re-born into a deepening awareness of love for self.
According to Buddhist Teachers, Narayan Liebenson Grady, the Buddha taught:
We can search this entire world over and will not find anyone more deserving of our love and compassion than our self.
And yet for many of us, this is a tricky thing as we disentangle ourselves of our occasional acts of self-hatred and self-denigration. Most if not all humans experience this from time to time. And I would say that it is our calling as yoga practitioners to try to meet those moments with self-love and compassion, best we can.
The Buddha also taught:
If you truly loved yourself, you would never harm another.
I think the Buddha is trying to get us to see the “us” in each other, that if we were to harm another it is like we are harming our own selves too.
Also, I think the Buddha could have said too that if we truly loved ourselves, we would never think of harming our own selves. Of course, the trap is that we can commit another act of self-denigration in those moments when we make mistakes and react by calling ourselves stupid. Or even when our failure to not harm ourselves at times of stress is another opportunity for getting down on ourselves for not having responded or reacted better. Our work is to try to cultivate more compassion for ourselves in such moments. We are not alone, everyone makes mistakes and thinks less of themselves from time to time. Our work is to try to remember that.
Because the Buddha also famously taught:
Hatred is never ended by hatred, but by love alone is hatred healed. This is an eternal rule.
We see so much violence out in the larger world and we see the pileup of hatred being responded to with more hatred. And where has that gotten us? More suffering, both internally and collectively. So, our work is to start by healing the hatred within first, and trying to meet it with love.
Why is this important? Because according to the Dalai Lama:
If a person has never encountered love toward himself or herself from any quarter, it is a very sad thing. But if that person can meet even one person who will show unconditional love – simple acceptance and compassion – if he knows that he is an object of someone else's affection and love, it is bound to have an impact, and this will be appreciated. Because there is a seed in himself, this act of love will start to catalyze or ripen that seed.
So, our work becomes about trying to perfect the art of practicing love toward our own sef first, so that we have more love to share with others, especially those who have experienced very little. Every little act of love toward our own self will eventually ripple out to the rest of the world and have some positive impact sometime, somewhere.
In New York City where I live, we are constantly confronted by homeless people, and I sometimes wonder what kind of childhoods they had. I was fortunate in that I grew up in a family with parents who loved me unconditionally and showed me love in so many ways, whether it was by being touched tenderly or with kind words. As a child, I experienced caring and concern from those immediately around me. I know I was lucky. And it is obvious to me that many homeless people in our city likely didn’t receive the same kind of love and support. So, whether you live in a city like NYC or elsewhere, our job is to try to extend acts of love towards those who are so obviously less fortunate than ourselves. Who knows really what that could bloom into. Surely it can have a small, but not insignificant positive effect that could ripple out into the larger world.
The director, writer and composer, Jerry Brunskill said:
At the critical juncture in all human relationships, there is only one question: what would love do now?
I hope this question can be a guiding force for you as you go through your day and are faced with a myriad of decisions. What would love do in each moment for you as you “write your yoga blog” or think about your career choices, or interact with your beloveds?
May you feel the natural rhythm of the Universe’s heart-beat pulsing through you, …
May you return to love of self over and over again, …
May you ask “What would love do now?” often, …
May your perfect that Art of Practicing Love, …
For the benefit of all beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paui Keoni Chun
Yoga and the Art of Practicing ... Yoga!
/
Try, try, and try again … and one day your yoga practice might help you to take flight!
If you’re like me, you wake up each day and make a to-do list. In some ways it’s one of the hardest things I do each day. I usually start by listing the things I know I have to do. But it starts to get hard when I list all the things I wish I could do today, then I have to pare back and be realistic and pick the 2 or 3 major things that I know I have to do. Aaah, my ego likes getting in the way and think I can accomplish everything it wants because I am Superman! Not!!!
This is where yoga can be helpful.
I don’t know where I read this yoga maxim, but someone wisely said:
What you can do is what you should do.
In my many years of teaching yoga, I have found that this is a difficult thing to practice for many, and particularly for newer, less experienced students, It’s easy for the ego to take hold and for students to push themselves through extreme discomfort, bordering on pain.
The stage of the ego belongs to the young and new, and the mature yoga practitioner knows when to hold back, do less. It’s similar in acting, by the way, as the most accomplished actors know how to affect their audience more by doing less.
So, the art of practicing yoga, in some ways, mirrors the art of practicing life. What’s been particularly helpful to me as I have grown older (60 this year!) is that more and more now I dislike pushing myself to the limit. Recently, for example, I have found I like shutting down my computer earlier than I used to, and putting my work day behind me. I am liking physical and mental comfort more and more, and I don’t think that’s always a bad thing. So what if I don’t reach enlightenment in this lifetime, despite my daily meditation practices? That’s not so important.
The art of practicing yoga also involves remembering what the goals, intentions of the practice are. From the yoga sutras of Patanjali, the first few verses are: Yogash chitta vritti nirodhah. Tada drashtuh svarupe avasthanam. Vritti sarupyam itaratra. These words essentially mean that the outcome we are striving for in yoga is to quiet down the mind’s movements so that our true nature can be revealed to us, so that we can see a clearer reflection of who we really are. Our minds are like lenses that need to be polished and cleaned, otherwise we will falsely identify with the distortions and come to believe those labels we place on ourselves (Superman, billionaire, yoga guru, ??? – you pick!) are who we really are. Only when the mind is quiet, can we rest in our True Nature. When the mind is not quiet one identifies with the thoughts one is having and believes — wrongly — these thoughts are who one really is. In other words, the art of practicing yoga involves trying to slow down your mindʻs movements, so you donʻt believe every thought going through your head.
The accomplished and widely respected yoga master, B.K.S. Iyengar, said:
The primary aim of yoga is to restore the mind to simplicity and peace, and free it from confusion and distress.
I love this, as it serves as a good reminder for me that I should never make an important decision when I am feeling confused and distressed. The art of practicing yoga means that we should walk away the situation at hand at such moments, and take some good exhales.
Yoga is all about meeting yourself where you are at in this moment, not where you wish to be. That’s probably the simplest and yet the hardest lesson any of us will have to learn.
May you be happy,
May your mind slow down,
May you only do what you can do, …
May you be successful at practicing the art of yoga well, …
For the benefit of all beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paui Keoni Chun
Aaah, the warmth of the sun on the back. Always a great feeling! This is truly the art of practicing yoga -- slouching toward comfort!
Yoga and the Art of Practicing Generosity
/
Davnel, Keoni Movemwnt Arts student, enjoying dancing!
At this time of the year, these words by the Venerable Ariya Nani always come back to my mind:
If you knew what I know about generosity and the results of giving, you would not let one single day go by without giving something to someone else.
– The Buddha, as interpreted by the Venerable Ariya Nani
What might the Buddha have meant by this teaching? Well, according to the Buddhist Meditation Teacher, Gina Sharpe:
Generosity is the very first parami, or quality of an awakened mind. The path begins there because of the joy and openness that arise from the generous heart.
Think about it. Whenever we give to someone else, it makes us feel happy. It brings our mind to the awareness that we have abundance, more than enough to sustain us. When our mind is aware of this abundance, we benefit by feeling lighter and less fearful and worried. And of course, whatever it is that we give away can make someone else’s life feel more abundant. So in order for one’s mind to be awakened, having the experience of spaciousness and abundance first leads to lightness and freedom.
According to another teacher, Kamala Masters:
Generosity is a medicine for our tendency to hold on to things, to cling to life as it is, because it is developing the opposite, developing our ability to let go… letting go of the material… of our need to be right…
I would add that practicing generosity frees our mind and hearts from the delusion that it is somehow lacking. It can bring the mind to a starting point of existing in a place of wealth, not poverty.
To me, the art of practicing generosity entails:
Taking time daily to lessen our burdens by letting go of that which we no longer need and want.
Remembering that we have much more than we need and always have something we can give away – whether it be something material like money or something immaterial but no less important like a kind smile to or patience with another.
Remembering that we are more than just our current possessions – both material and psychic – but we are also our potential for manifesting more of the material and psychic things that we truly want and need.
Practicing Generosity with ourselves. We all experience the negativity of life, and it is our human nature to “go to the negative” before seeing the positive. At these times, we must be generous in our kindness towards and patience with our own selves.
Remembering that there is a flow to life that we are always free step into. Practicing generosity with ourselves means not resisting that flow. Practicing generosity towards others means not resisting their flow.
So, as you close out your old year, see if you can come into the new year with a greater sense of freedom. Let go of the old, lighten your load of both the material and the psychic. Remember all that you have and share it with the world.
May you be happy,
May you be healthy,
May you be generous,
May you enter the new year with a greater sense of freedom, …
For your benefit and for the benefit of all beings everywhere.
Aloha, with Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun
May you fly into your new year with courage, humility, and grace!
Yoga and the Art of Practicing Gratitude
/
My favorite tree in my building - it makes me feel so happy when I walk by, and I am grateful for that! It reminds me that there is still much beauty in things that are aging.
It’s that time of the year again. A time when we quiet down a bit during the hustle and bustle of the holidays to reflect on how lucky we are to be alive, to have what we have, and to experience – hopefully – gratitude.
For me personally, as I reflect on where I am right now in my life, I am so grateful for all that I have – which is indeed plentiful at the moment. As I write this, I am on my way to Hawai’I for a wedding celebration with my family and our close friends of one year of marriage to my husband Ed. I am grateful to have meaningful and impactful work, to feel like I am fulfilling my life passions, and to have an abiding sense of ease and well-being In my life right now. Notice I didn’t say I am grateful to have a million dollars in my bank account. Indeed, as I was doing my daily morning routine of writing in my “gratitude journal / morning page” (which I have been doing since 1996!), I wrote “once in the beginning, I feel like I know what Nirvana is.” To me, at this moment, Nirvana is a feeling of having few worries and life-stresses, and a feeling of confidence that things will flow as they need to and an abiding feeling that the Universe always provides elegant solutions to each of our challenges.
How can we experience more gratitude in our lives regularly? Here are three possible ways from three master teachers:
1) Whether you are a fan of Deepak Chopra or not, I think you would agree with what he says here: Breathing in gratitude, we breathe out joy. This simplicity is the key to our vitality. We spend years searching for the key, looking high and low. The journey home begins when we realize that the key is hiding in our own pocket. Whether we are practicing yoga on the mat, or sitting in meditation, or just moving through life, we can do a simple mantra with each breath – inhaling quietly say “gratitude,” exhaling quietly say “joy.” The journey back home to experiencing an ease of well-being starts with each breath.
2) One of my favorite Buddhist Meditation Teachers, Gina Sharpe, reminds us that every breath we take in is a gift we receive from all the plants on Earth. The plants process what they receive from us – our carbon dioxide – and transform it into something that allows us to sustain our metabolic processes – oxygen. So, all life on earth is constantly giving to and receiving from each other. Gina writes: I find it so helpful to just remember that which I call “me” is an expression of an ever changing, timeless and unstoppable process of giving and receiving, and in remembering, relaxing again and again in gratitude, allowing it all to unfold. When we reflect like this, gratitude arises naturally and openly, saturating every breath, every moment with the joy of simply being alive. Gina reminds us, like Deepak, that our breath can be the entry point to helping us experience the arising of gratitude from within.
3) One of my favorite of the Buddha’s teachings is based on his assertion that receiving a human birth is extremely rare and exceedingly precious. One of the analogies he used to illustrate this is that the chances of us receiving a human birth is more rare than the chance that a blind turtle floating in the ocean would stick its head through a small hoop. Quite extraordinary odds indeed! He would often instruct his monks to go out into the forest, sit at the base of a tree, and do a practice called “gladdening the heart.” Essentially the heart of this practice was for the monks to reflect on the many fortunate circumstances that had brought them to be there in that time and space, and to have tools at their disposal to be able to seek freedom and liberation. As practitioners of yoga, like-wise we can reflect on just how lucky we are not only to have this chance at a human experience – such as it is with all its joys and challenges – but also that yoga has traveled from the faraway East to being literally at our fingertips and that it is a tool that can help us to realize more gratitude and joy.
Gina concludes by saying: May your Thanksgiving celebration be alive with gratitude and love. Indeed, may you be experiencing that right now.
May you be happy,
May you live with ease,
May you inhale gratitude, and exhale joy,
May you, with each breath, remember how lucky you are to be alive.
May you remember all the tools for liberation that are in your pockets and at your fingertips,
May you feel alive with deep feelings of gratitude and love, …
For the benefit of All Beings.
Aloha with Metta,
Paul Keoni
Yoga and the Art of Practicing Ahimsa, à la Gandhi
/
My husband Ed ever so gently stroking a shark at Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium, Sarasota, FL that the shark just continued on its merry way. He's showing, like Gandhi said, that in a gentle way you can shake the world.
Quite serendipitously an “inspirational” email landed in my inbox at the beginning of October that mentioned Mahatma Gandhi was born on October 2nd, 1869 – 150 years ago this month. Particularly because of all the political and social turmoil happening both domestically and internationally at the moment, this is a good time to revisit some of Gandhi’s core teachings and see if they can serve as a reminder to us on how to conduct ourselves in today’s world in a way that can create positive change.
“Did you know?!” One of Gandhi’s guiding life principles was the practice of Ahimsa or “non-harming.” And dear yogi’s, if you don’t know by now, ahimsa is the first practice and foremost guiding principle of yoga, according to the sage Patanjali who wrote The Yoga Sutras. It is the first of the Yamas or “things we try not to do.” So dear yogis, please remember as you’re practicing asana (yoga postures) to do like the good doctor and “first and foremost, do no harm.”
It’s also worth remembering when you’re on your mat Gandhi’s words: "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." Especially if you practice a lot of “power yoga” don’t think that makes you somehow stronger than the next person. Gandhi may have been slight in stature, but his indomitable will was so strong that he was able to create changes that most “muscle men/women” wouldn’t be able to.
“Did you also know?!” Gandhi’s efforts and teaching of non-violent protest eventually led to India being freed, gaining its independence from Britain in 1947. Consider the incredible amount of political and social change that one man – Mahatma Gandhi – created through his practice of ahimsa – non-violence, non-harming. Then, imagine what we can do for ourselves and others if we practice our yoga in such a way that we don’t cause harm.
We’ve all been injured in various ways – physically, psychically. What’s great about growing older – this is my 60th year on this Earth, so I should know! – is that we learn better and better over time how not to cause harm to ourselves. From there, it ripples out to benefit all beings.
Here are some wise thoughts that Gandhi left for us to consider:
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as in being able to remake ourselves."
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.”
I know we often want things outside of ourselves to change before we change, but isn’t nice to consider that the source of our happiness can lie right within our own beings? Isn’t it comforting to know that as we change, the world around us can also change? And might we want to consider facing our greatest challenge, one that could ultimately benefit others – that is our challenge to remake our own selves, rather than spending unnecessary capital in trying to change others? Particularly, telling someone else they’re wrong never seems to work, but rather letting them figure it out for themselves just might! As the Russian writer Leo Tolstoy said: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing oneself.” Might this pattern sound familiar to you?
Gandhi also famously said:
There is no path to Peace. Peace is the Path.
As with most wise teachings, I know we already know this, it’s just that we often forget. I know in this current political environment it’s easy to “go low when they go low” but can’t we use our yoga breathing and meditation practices to maintain some sense of equanimity within ourselves in such situations? In this way, can we meet “their low” with “our high?” Surely isn’t this why – at least in part – we practice yoga and meditation?
Gandhi also believed:
When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it - always.
In this current global environment, I for one believe Gandhi is right. Evil, violence and hatted may seem to be the stronger forces, but that’s just because they represent our lowest capacity for being and understanding, both individually and collectively. Whether or not you like Presidential candidate Cory Booker’s sunny optimism, I do believe as he does that love and kindness are ultimately the way to go and will lead to the highest form of victory. As Gandhi said:
In a gentle way, you can shake the world.
May you be gentle, …
May you do no harm, …
May you Be Peace, …
May Truth and Love win out within you, …
May you shake the word, … for the benefit of All Beings.
Aloha, with Metta,
Paul Keoni
Yoga and the Art of Gaining More Freedom through Love
/
Tribute in lights, September 11, 2019, view from midtown manhattan
This past month, as sadly we have been doing for the last 18 years, we commemorated the events of 9/11 once again. It’s always been a time for me to pause and take refuge in this teaching from the Buddha:
Hatred is never ended by hatred - but by love alone is hatred healed. This is an eternal rule.
-Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)
So easy of course to say, but so difficult to put into practice. Perhaps that’s why the song All We Need Is Love became popular, as it serves as a constant mantra to help us remember that indeed we need more love in the world to help it heal the many sufferings.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how to increase my own capacity for being able to meet hatred with more love. I think it has a lot to do with cultivating more compassion, first for my own self, then outwardly towards others. Thich Nhat Hanhs’ words inspired me:
Even when you see a lot of violence, discrimination, hatred and craving, if you are equipped with understanding and compassion, you don’t suffer.
We certainly do see a lot of violence, hatred and craving in the world – especially in this current political climate – and yes it makes me mad. But if yoga and meditation and various contemplative teachings can have any value for us, it’s that they can help us to rise above our base needs – food, clothing, shelter – and give us more room to hold more understanding and compassion.
And this thought gave me pause to consider, as well:
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
Jack Kornfield (b.1945), American Buddhist Teacher
I face a lot of challenges in my own life running Keoni Movement Arts, a nonprofit organization that I founded. Sometimes it’s a very lonely place, as I face multiple decisions and struggle to come up with answers to questions that I am making my best educated guesses on. But through the struggles, I have learned that these moments are great opportunities to have a bit more compassion for myself. What I am doing is not easy. And anyone who has been in my shoes, faces similar challenges and experiences similar feelings. I may feel lonely, but I know that I am not alone and my feelings are universal.
One of Pema Chodron’s core teachings that I love remembering from time to time is that essentially the discomforts of life, the difficult moments, can be the very ingredients we need in order to grow spiritually and to cultivate more compassion. Ultimately, we are trying to move in the direction of a greater capacity to love, and – no less important – an ability to receive love. One of Jesus’ teachings was this:
The most sacred places of all on Earth is where an ancient hatred becomes a present love.
Aaahh, for those of us fortunate enough to create space in our lives to step back and witness past hatreds with less anger, what a place that is to be. It’s from that place that we can witness that people are only doing acts of hate because of feelings of fear and insecurity deep within their core. Perhaps we can’t always reconcile past conflicts with the parties involved, but perhaps we can at least send some love in that direction. As Jesus also said, “forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Thomas Merton, a 20th Century Theologian and Writer, said it best in imagining what it would be like to look into another’s soul:
Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in the eyes of the Divine. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed. … I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other.
What’s the hardest yoga position of all? Perhaps the one where we witness the interconnectedness of all beings, and bow down deeply to each other’s divinity.
May you be happy,
May you be healthy,
May you increase your capacity for meeting hatred with love, …
For the benefit of All Beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paul Keoni
Yoga and the Art of Freedom through Service
/
An image of Lord Hanuman, the Monkey God, on Hinduwebsite.com. This image is a reminder to each of us to open up our own hearts to see what's in it that we most revere, and figure out how we can be of service to it by using the talents we’ve been gifted with.
You have conquered your mind, you move as fast as the wind.
You have conquered the senses,
You overflow with wisdom and mercy.
Son of the Wind, you are Ram's messenger in this world.
Lion among Monkeys! Give me refuge!
- Devotional Chant Prayer to Hanuman, by Krishna Das
To take refuge in something means to find a safe space, and to flee a place that is unsafe. The above prayer chant by the inimitable Krishna Das, so beautifully reminds us that within our very own being, there is something that can help carry us to such a safe place.
Each year around this time, I take refuge in remembering the story of Hanuman. I love sharing this story with my students.
Hanuman, also known at the Monkey God, appears in the Hindu epic, the Ramayana. Essentially, in the story he is serving someone named Lord Rama, whose wife Sita gets captured and taken to an island in the middle of the ocean. Hanuman, because of his deep devotion to Rama, takes up the mission to go and rescue Sita and return her to his master. He comes to the edge of the ocean, sees the island way out in the middle of it, and in that moment, he is reminded that he is powerful and strong and capable of doing the impossible. He gathers up his resolve and does a giant “split-leap” over the ocean, lands on the island, rescues Sita, and returns her to Rama.
Hence, as Religious Studies Professor Joshua Greene says:
Hanumanasana is the forward-splits position. The arms are raised overhead in victory. The body is stretched out in all 6 directions. Practicing the pose, we gain victory over our own selves, our ego and our tendencies towards evil.
Essentially, the character of Hanuman reminds us of the powers that lie deep within ourselves that are awakened when we engage in being of service to the humanity and the greater good…
According to Jayaram V in this article on Hinduwebsite.com, Hanuman “is regarded as the Superman, the perfect man ….”
As yoga practitioners, we’re faced with a similarly “impossible task” – one that is no less difficult than the one Hanuman was tasked with doing. Our mission – impossible as it may seem – is to overcome our own selves. We do this by working to purify our own body, mind and heart. We are aided by our remembering – like Hanuman did – that we are indeed powerful human beings, with many talents and huge quantities of resolve that can be put to good use for the betterment of humanity and all sentient beings on this earth.
Jayaram V writes that in the microcosm:
Hanuman represents, the breath. When ego and the senses carry away the mind and body and put them to wrong use, with the help of breath the embodied soul restrains the senses, silences the ego, regains the control of the mind and body and stabilizes them in the contemplation of God.
We can take refuge in our breath, for it will help bring us back to our senses and lead us to doing the right thing.
The right thing in each of our individual cases is to figure out a way to be useful to the world through the talents we’ve been given. So, in a sense, we can also take refuge in our individual life missions. Being engaged in fulfilling them will carry us to freedom.
Jayaram V writes:
… He also symbolizes the story of animal man in us who through the path of devotion and service to God, can purify himself and attain immortality.
Hanuman saw what was in his heart and listened to its call-to-action. We can too. In so doing, we can gain more freedom and move closer to being reunited with the Divine that is in all of us.
May you be happy,
May you be healthy,
May you listen to what lies deepest in your heart,
May you take refuge in your breath and ride it to freedom,
May you take refuge in your life’s missions and find the strength and resolve to complete them …
… each for the benefit of All Beings everywhere.
Aloha with metta,
Paul Keoni
Yoga and the Art of Being Freer through Fearlessness
/
Spotting Janie, a yoga student of mine, in a handstand. She’s fearless!
Perhaps there are not many yoga poses more fear-inducing than doing handstands. If you are new to doing them, please do know that you have every right to be afraid.
I wanted to write about fear, because I for one have been stopped by it from time to time in my life. And for this past month, I wanted to see if I could free myself up more by moving closer to things I want by simply asking for those things and taking appropriate steps to try to obtain them. I wanted to see if I could take the approach of “feeling the fear and doing it anyway” as I’ve heard several spiritual teachers suggest over the years. Giving myself the gift of this mind-set has actually freed me up in some ways, and I’ve taken some chances I may not have before.
This month we celebrated the 4th of July, which to Americans symbolizes independence and greater freedom. As yogis/nis, we practice yoga to try to gain greater independence from the “little self” and to feel freer. I think one aspect of the pursuit of both is to meet our fears a little more head-on and to demonstrate to ourselves that we can be fearless, more so than we sometimes give ourselves credit for.
As I was reflecting on what fearlessness means to me, these two thoughts came to my mind:
True Fearlessness sometimes involves saying “yes” before saying “no.”
And, true fearlessness is not the absence of fear, but rather taking incremental actions in the face of fear.
Scary as it may seem to say “yes” before saying “no,” sometimes we can surprise ourselves and (as the slogan goes) “just do it.” We don’t always have to know the outcomes in advance, rather we just have to say “yes” to the moment that is in front of us. We can almost feel it in our gut that saying “yes” is the right thing to do, even if we are feeling fear.
I can remember feeling some fear when my dancer friend Norman asked me back in June 1985 when I was trying to decide if I should move to New York to pursue dance at the age of 26: “Are you going to move here soon? Because if you don’t do it now, you might as well give up on being a dancer.” I don’t remember if I answered “yes” at the moment, but surely I must have said “yes” at some point soon thereafter because 3 months later I landed in NYC ready to pursue a career in the performing arts here. The rest is history. I look back now and am so glad I said “yes” to that moment.
And in my 34 years here in New York, there have been many moments when I experienced fear. I experienced fear when I use to audition regularly, and even as the years went on I don’t think that fear ever went completely away. I experienced fear in my early years as a yoga teacher facing students who were expecting me to help lead them towards nirvana (or at least closer to doing a handstand!). I’ve experienced a lot of fear as I founded and grew my nonprofit organization, Keoni Movement Arts. In those early years, I knew I had a dream to help others through yoga, dance, and gymnastics, but I didn’t quite know how it all worked. I’ve certainly learned a lot over the years since we were founded in 2008, and we have garnered a great amount of impact and success to this date. Still, admittedly, as we continue to grow and I do new things with it for the first time, I do feel fear.
But as I reflect back now at age 60, I can say that I am glad I said “yes” before saying “no” at least on a few important occasions in my life. And I am glad that in pursuit of these major life goals that I proceeded incrementally. Certainly, doing so has helped to mitigate some of the fear I’ve felt.
I am comforted by some of the Buddha’s teachings about fear and fearlessness. Pema Chodron said:
Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the Truth. If you don’t know the nature of fear, you can never be fearless.
So, in other words experiencing fear might be an indication that one is moving closer to the truth. Especially if one is doing a lot of self-examination through therapy or self-observation though meditation, undoubtedly one will be confronted by many things that are quite fear-inducing and down-right scary. But if one can just stay with the fears a bit longer each time, over time one will become more fearless, more free.
Another aspect of being fearless that is oft-overlooked is this sentiment by Pema Chodron’s teacher, Chogyam Trungpa Rimpoche:
“… Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. …”
In other words, if we can’t have compassion for our fears and know that they are the by-products of our heart which is opening up to the truth more and more, then we can never be truly fearless. Fearlessness is not some “machismo” thing where we act without feelings, but rather it is acting in the face of our feelings – or at least being still with them – rather than running away from them.
I’ve heard several famous actors talk about their fears and how they’ve dealt with them. Hearing them open up about their fears certainly made me feel less lonely in this respect and like I was in good company. Here’s one quote by the SAG Award winning actor Sterling K. Brown (also a fellow Stanford Alum) which he gave in his commencement address to the Class of 2018:
“When I feel fear, as uncomfortable as it may be, I know I’m in the right place. Whether you’re 22, or 42 [or 62], never allow fear to keep you from expanding your definition of self.”
I hope that in some way yoga and meditation can help to normalize your feelings of fear, and help you to expand and know greater definitions of your self.
And I hope that you will take on the challenge of practicing handstands – one incremental, and perhaps fearful, step at time.
May you be happy, …
May you see fear as normal, …
May you move closer to your Truth, …
May you be tender-hearted, …
May you be Fearless, …
May you ask for what you want, …
May you be Freer, … for the benefit of all beings everywhere.
Aloha, with Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun
Yoga and the Art of Balance
/
The Laughing Gulls and other migratory birds are back for summer in the Rockaways! They bring joy and a wonderful balance to our life in NYC.
Have you ever found yourself procrastinating over a task and given in to continuing to procrastinate? Have you ever felt so caught up in your own problems thato it blinded you from seeing the bigger existential threats to the planet? Have you ever lost your equanimity – your mental composure in the midst of a difficult situation – and longed for it back? Have you ever wished for the feeling of having more balance in your life? If so, then perhaps yoga practices and its accompanying philosophies can help.
The classic yoga text, the Bhagavad Gita, teaches:
You have control over actions alone, never over its fruits. Live not for the fruits of action, nor attach yourself to inaction. Established in Yoga, O Arjuna, perform actions having abandoned attachment and having become balanced in success and failure, for balance of mind is called Yoga.
Krishna speaking Arjuna in Bhagavad-Gita (Chapter 2)
I come back to this theme annually in my yoga classes because I think it’s so important and helpful. Often times, I get caught up in worrying about the results of my actions that it stops me in my tracks and prevents me from taking the first action. Are the results going to be perfect? Are they going to get me what I want? What If I don’t know what I want or even know how to get to what I want right now?These are questions I find my mind asking often. Perhaps they sound familiar to you.
What Krishna is advising Arjuna – and all of us really – is to let go of thinking and worrying too much about what the fruits of our actions will be. Rather he advises that we take the best actions we know how to take in each moment and not to put our attention on what the results might be. In doing so, we can experience balance in our mind.
Similarly, Buddhist teachings, I read somewhere, says:
Equanimity is letting go of the fruits of our actions.
I saw an interview with Admiral William McRaven on the raid that killed Osama bin Laden. He said the number one quality of a Navy Seal is that s/he is “a person who just doesn’t give up.” In a sense, this is what we’re striving for in yoga practice – a “don’t give up attitude.” I have a feeling that the Navy Seals who end up surviving the training can do so because their minds are not overly occupied with what the results may be. As a result, they have more head space to just keep going on and trying their best, moment by moment. This “never give up” attitude might help keep their mind in balance and prevent them from panicking and helping them to remain calm in the midst of very difficult situations.
I also sometimes find myself so concerned about the results to the point that I become paralyzed by procrastination. A NY Times article on procrastination and what you can do about itwas very helpful to me in this regard and provides insights on how we can all maintain more balance. It says that procrastination is not about self-control and is not a laziness problem, but rather it’s really an emotional problem. According to Dr. Fuschia Sirois, “People engage in this irrational cycle of chronic procrastination because of an inability to manage negative moods around a task.” The article gives useful tips for managing procrastination, including practicing self-compassion, cultivating curiosity, and considering just the next step. Similarly, in yoga we strive to be as kind to ourselves in each moment as we can be. We strive to keep our minds open and free, and having a “curious” mind can help us to do that. And we strive to just take the next step, which can help us to stay in the moment and not live in “future” moments.
Another aspect to the art of maintaining balance is to realize that in life on and off the yoga mat there will always be moments of contraction and moments of expansion. The 13th Century Persian poet, Rumi, wrote on this subject of balance these words so eloquently:
Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
If it were always a fist or always stretched open.
you would be paralyzed.
Your deepest presence is in every small contracting
and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as
birdwings.
The art of balance as it relates to yoga asana practice art is that there will be times when one is actively engaging muscles and breath, and there is the time for surrender and letting go – sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems in balance. In every asana, some muscles are expanding while the opposing muscles are contracting. Someone, I read somewhere said: Balance exists in the equality of opposition. To find optimal balance in any yoga asana, there has to be equality of contraction and expansion, effort and surrender, yang and yin.
Extending this concept out into our lives, everyone has some things they do really well, and other things that they don’t do so well. Same in yoga asana practice. I think this is a good thing. When we can find a harmonious balance between our successes and failures, we can appreciate and be grateful for our natural gifts when we succeed and also realize compassion for ourselves when we fail. If we never failed, we would not be able to have compassion for others. Think about this deeply – might you not become arrogant if you only knew success while others around you mostly experienced failure? Rumi might say that this kind of arrogance is paralyzing.
Another way we can achieve more balance in our lives is to shift our perspective a little bit. Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, a 20thCentury Hindu guru, states:
Love says ”'I am everything.” Wisdom says "I am nothing.”. Between the two, my life flows.
I Am That, Chapter 57
As Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj suggests, we can help our mind to stay calm and steady if we constantly shift the focus of our attention to realize that through letting love flow within we come to remember that we are a part of everything that exists. And through letting wisdom flow within us we remember that the individual self is not as important as our own ego would have us believe. He suggests we step back every so often to shift our perspective away from the “small me” to the “big We,” from our false perception of separation to the reality of union. Our life is a balance between Wisdom and Love, Nothingness and Everything, Nisargadatta Maharaj concludes this concept by stating:
Since at any point of time and space I can be both the subject and the object of experience, I express it by saying that I am both, and neither, and beyond both.
So, to be in balance from a yoga perspective means that every so often we need to see ourselves from the perspective of being the subject and the object. We can achieve this by taking time to sit in meditation and just observe our thoughts. Over time, it’s said we’ll experience our non-dual nature, and be in Union with our True Self.
I know this is a lot to unpack. Yet, I also hope that some of this information can be useful to you. Whether you’re a long-time yogi/ni or relatively new, a regular practitioner or just an occasional one, I hope that your practice can somehow bring you into feelings of balance more often in your life.
May you be happy,
May you be healthy,
May you live with ease,
May you let go of the fruits of action,
May you be OK with your moments of procrastination,
May you be OK with not being the best,
May you flow between the small picture and the big one, …
… for the benefit of All Beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun
Yoga is Community
/
Gorgeous sunset in Arverne, NY, on Memorial Day -- a perfect way to remember those who served the greater community with their lives.
For whatever reasons you are practicing yoga, try to remember also that you are one of many who are seeking further enlightenment. You are part of a much bigger community – a community that is trying to do right not just for each individual but for the entire community as well. Therefore, your practice is not entirely just your own, or of your own making. And your efforts are undertaken with the hope that both you as an individual and the beings all around you on the planet will benefit.
The venerable Thich Nhat Hanh believes:
The next Buddha will not take the form of an individual. The next Buddha may take the form of a community; a community practicing understanding and loving kindness, a community practicing mindful living. This may be the most important thing we can do for the survival of the Earth.
With the earth in peril due to the ignorance of many, it’s so important that we as yoga practitioners live mindfully, and with greater awareness. Perhaps this quote from the website whenonepercent.org can give you hope:
When just one percent of a community spends time in prayer and meditation, the whole community moves toward peace. Scientific studies record as much as an 80% decrease in violence within that community. With so much uncertainty in the world, One % of us committing to a daily meditation practice can make a significant difference.
I have no idea of whether this statistic regarding reduction in violence is in fact true. But one thing I have no doubt about is that when I/we practice meditation as individuals for sure any violent tendencies within ourselves are at least mitigated and held at bay, if not eliminated entirely. And that helps everyone, because we are all connected. As the Dalai Lama said:
My call for a spiritual revolution is not a call for a religious revolution, nor for a way of life that is otherworldly - still less to something magical or mysterious. It is a call for a radical reorientation away from our habitual preoccupation with self, a call to turn toward the wider community of beings with whom we are connected, and for conduct which recognizes others' interests alongside our own.
Some come to yoga and meditation for escape, and some even come in hopes of experiencing ‘otherworldly’ experiences. I am of the belief that we should all come to yoga so that we can experience the actual day-to-day realities of life more fully – with clearer and wider eyes – and to truly work to see our connections to the whole of sentient beings with fuller awareness. Consider George Bernard Shaw’s words:
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.
Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
What part will you play in helping the planet and all it’s inhabitants? As a yoga and meditation practitioner, know that you have a bigger role and responsibility than you may be aware of. You also have more power than you may realize.
May you be part of the next Buddha, …
May you be part of the one percent, …
May you let go of preoccupation with the self, …
May your candle burn brightly for future generations, …
May you deepen your connection to the greater community, …
… for the benefit of All beings.
Aloha with Metta,
Paul Keoni
Yoga and the Art of Cultivating Faith
/
Tulips blooming on West 43rd St. -- a sure sign that spring is here!
New York City is a concrete jungle for sure, but there are pockets of nature that spring up in the most unexpected places that make this city quite beautiful. Spring is nature’s expression of faith that all things are re-born. We see it all around us – eggs hatching, flowers blooming, trees becoming filled with green leaves – once again.
Christians just commemorated Easter Sunday, which is also an expression of faith in the rising of Jesus to Eternal Life, and an expression of faith by those who believe in and follow him that they too can be born into Eternal Life as well.
Practicing yoga is an act of faith. We know it is supposed to lead to some greater awareness that most of us can only imagine at this point in our realization. Yet, onward we go with our practice, one breath at a time.
Here are some words of inspiration from various sources that have guided – and indeed comforted – me at this time as I’ve pursued my goals with an abiding faith.
Mother Teresa said:
We can do no great things, only small things with great love.
Reading these words helped to remind me to try not to chew off more than I can bite at any one time. Though it’s important to have goals in mind and to know what it is I’d like to achieve, the important thing is to just try to do small things with great love and see where they lead me. I’ve often been surprised to have been led to unexpected places and been ultimately drawn to things that are bringing me measurably closer to my goals simply by first having had the courage to act. And in that first moment of acting, I’ve tried to let the joy of what I am doing help keep me moving forward. Joy and love – these are expansive energies, and they can help to keep fear and doubt at bay, and ultimately move us forward.
The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said:
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step....
Sometimes the hardest part of our journey is that first single step. I’ve experienced at times that odd, uncomfortable feeling of seeing a major and important task on my plate in front of me and observing my mind figuring out ways to delay starting — such as taking a look at Facebook one more time, or reading unimportant junk emails. That first step often takes a lot of courage, but then later we look back and often wonder, “why was that so difficult” and “why didn’t I start sooner?” Know the feeling? Indeed, that first step almost by definition is imbued with a great deal of faith. I’ve been inspired by athletes who are able to reach those seemingly unconscious states where they are just flowing, without the baggage of overthinking. So, I began saying to myself with each new task, project: “just be unconscious.” This has really helped me to take the first step.
The Literary Nobel Prize Winner Rabindranath Tagore penned in his poem Fireflies:
Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.
To me, this says that even though we may not know the path that lies ahead as we work towards our goals, we can still sing knowing we are getting closer to them, and in singing, the journey is made that much more joyous. With joy in our heart, the path will be illuminated easier. I learned I don’t always have to know the final outcome in order to act. This has moved me to simply take action.
And the 13th century Persian poet Rumi penned:
Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.
One of the wonderful things that yoga and meditation have illuminated for me is an awareness of what I love doing. I love teaching. I love discovering new ways of blending yoga, dance, and gymnastics together with inspiring music into a fluid movement art form. I love tinkering and challenging myself to figure things out on my own the many parts that go into running the nonprofit I founded, Keoni Movement Arts. I love writing this blog! And as I’ve become aware of what I love doing, what moves me to action, I find myself wanting to do those things more and more.
As this NY Times article “Productivity Isn’t About Time Management. It’s About Attention Management” suggests: stop worrying about how long something is going to take you to complete, rather just find out what it is your mind and attention are drawn to doing and take as much time as you want to complete it. Having practiced this myself, I’ve found my many tasks to be much more enjoyable to undertake. It’s helped me to be kinder to myself, get more accomplished, and in the end to enjoy my journey more even more.
May you do small things with great love.
May you take the first single step.
May you sing as you walk Your Path.
May the beauty of what you love doing guide you towards doing more of them.
May you have an abiding Faith that can somehow benefit all beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paul Keoni Chun
Yoga and the Art of Relationships
/
view from midtown west Manhattan
New York City has around a population of around 8.6 million. That’s a lot of people in a very small area. With so many people to contend with daily, people are bound to get on one’s nerves. Just ride the A line from the Rockaways on the NYC subway system and you’ll know what I mean!
One bit of yoga wisdom and practice that all New Yorkers might be well served by can be boiled down to two words: “upekshanam” – acceptance, equanimity, neutrality – and “apunya” – non-virtuous, evil, bad. The yoga idea here as suggested by SwamiJ’s translation and explanation of Sutra 1.33 is that in relating with non-virtuous people, our mind can become purified by cultivating feelings of neutrality toward such people and their evil acts (evil, of course according to our own perception.)
In looking inward at my own self, I think I have a higher than average level of dislike for people who do evil things. I’ve always felt rather disturbed by the injustice of and suffering that results from people who are doing things that are just wrong (which is probably why it led me to eventually creating Keoni Movement Arts). In NYC, little things “get my goat,” such as kids playing loud music on the subway trains, people littering the streets, and aggressive drivers who try to cut to the front of the line. I think that my mind gets disturbed more than most people’s. I know that as a kid I was particularly sensitive, and I really disliked people who did bad things. I think this hyper-tendency of my mind has stayed with me into my adult life.
I won’t go into details, but several events in personal encounters in my life recently have really disturbed my mind. As I reflected on this sutra this past month, what has really helped me personally is to cultivate an attitude of neutrality towards the people involved and the events. SwamiJ suggested the following, which really helped me:
It can be difficult to cultivate this attitude [of acceptance or neutrality], since it might make us think we are approving of their bad behavior. We seek the neutrality of inner balance and equanimity, which does not mean approving of the person's actions. In fact, cultivating attitudes of neutrality might go a long way in being able to cause change. It surely helps to stabilize and clear the mind for meditation.
I would agree in theory with the notion that remaining as neutral as possible will possibly help the situation to be resolved in a way that is most beneficial for all. And in my own practice, I have witnessed moments where cultivating a neutral attitude afterwards that my present moment responses to certain “gets my goat” experiences recently have actually helped to bring my mind to a place of greater acceptance, stability and calm.
I think the character Mr. Spock is representative of this idea. He doesn’t overreact – for better or for worse – but rather just states the facts. Perhaps President Obama is also someone who exemplifies this characteristic of neutrality in the face of dealing with the wicked and evil. I’ve heard he has an amazing ability to keep his cool in the face of intense pressure. Conversely, president Trump might be representative of someone who doesn’t display “upekshanam” towards those he considers to be “apunya.” He is highly reactive towards his “enemies.” In dealing with the current state of American politics, we might all be well served by cultivating a more neutral and accepting attitude about the way things are as that might be the best way for us to get ourselves out of the mess we’re currently in.
This might be carrying this idea to the extreme, but in dealing with the “wicked” I sometimes remember the words Jesus uttered on the cross: “Bless them father, for they do not know what they are doing.” On occasion, this has helped to calm and stabilize my own mind. As someone who practices yoga and meditation regularly and sees how my own mind can get disturbed by wicked acts, I can only imagine how much harder it is for people who don’t practice to see clearly and remain neutral. After all, at least from the yoga stand point, we’re all living under a veil of illusion about what is real and what is not real – some more than others.
I think about my older brother, Dr. Bernard, who has told me that he deals with wicked people by saying to himself “I forgive myself for my feelings towards those people.” In a way, this is his form of meditation practice, as it helps his mind to come to a higher level of stability and calm.
According to SwamiJ, “stability and clarity of mind are necessary before being able to experience the subtler meditations.” In addition to “cultivating an attitude of neutrality toward those we perceive as wicked or evil,” Sutra 1.33 also suggests we try “cultivating feelings of friendliness (maitri) towards those who are happy (sukha), compassion (karuna) for those who are suffering (dukkha), [and] goodwill (midita) towards those who are virtuous (punya).”
Broken down, SwamiJ suggests that:
• When we are unhappy, our tendency is for us not to be around happy people. This is perfectly within the realm of normal human experience. Cultivating positive thoughts about such people can at least help to neutralize our own mind’s negative thoughts and emotions, and move it in the direction of more clarity and stability.
• When we’re around or hear of people who are suffering, we sometimes find our mind looking for an escape route. We have compassion for such suffering, but we don’t want to have to deal with it personally. Recognizing this attitude of our minds as just a normal human tendency can go far in helping us to truly have compassion for those who are suffering. SwamiJ says “awareness allows freedom and peace of mind.” It will also likely lead us towards taking appropriate and meaningful actions towards relieving the suffering.
• When we see the “do-gooders” of the world doing more than we can to try to try to be of service, we can get jealous, due to our feelings of inadequacy. Swami J says: “Better that we cultivate attitudes of happiness and goodwill towards such people. It is not always easy to cultivate such positive attitudes when, inside, we are feeling negative. But something very interesting happens as we become a neutral, non-attached witness to our inner process. That is, humor comes; the mind is seen to be a really funny instrument to watch, in all of its many antics. Then the happiness and goodwill seems to come naturally.”
If I’ve gotten anything from this yoga lesson, it is that our very own minds can be very tricky to be in relationship with, but if we can bring humor, awareness, and compassion towards our own tendencies, it will go a far way towards helping our minds to become more calm and stable. If we can achieve just a little more of this, perhaps – probably – in our own small, humble, yet not insignificant ways we can help out the planet and all its inhabitants.
Try a little thought experiment at the end of your next yoga/meditation practice: bring to mind someone who has “gotten your goat” recently. Then staying with the feelings and your breath, see how your mind shifts ever so slightly in the direction of acceptance. This practice has helped me, I’m hoping it can help you.
May you be healthy,
May you dwell in your heart,
May your mind be calm and stable, …
For the benefit of All Beings.
Keep practicing!
With Aloha and Metta,
Paul Keoni
Yoga and the Art of LovingKindness
/
Adorable animal at the Bronx Zoo, name unknown - how can one not help falling in love?!
In the past ten years, I’ve co-created two beautiful things with the help of the Universe – a loving marriage to a wonderful man, and a nonprofit organization. Both have brought me great joy. And both had very tender beginnings that were filled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty.
Back around 9 years ago, when I discovered that I had strong feelings for this man who would eventually become my husband, I was in a state of panic. Did he, would he love/like me back? If I couldn’t have him, would I be able to go on living without his affections. I was afraid to find out. Around that time, I went to a Buddhist meditation practice and Dharma talk given by Gina Sharpe. Afterwards she allowed for people to come and ask her questions. I don’t remember exactly what I said to her, but did communicate that I was feeling very afraid. And I’ll never forgot how she looked me directly in the eyes – with deep compassion and understanding flowing out of hers – and said: “the antidote to fear is lovingkindenss.”
In various ways since that time, I have tried to cultivate lovingkindness as a practice and a way of life. Some of you who take my yoga classes know that I often finish with a simple lovingkindness practice.
I had a dream to start a nonprofit organization many years ago, back in the early 2000s. I dreamed of creating a place where children who have a natural ability to do gymnastics but not the means to do it could come and learn something that had brought me so much joy and exhilaration in my younger years. I dreamed of a place where people of all ages could come and learn the joy of movement through dance, something that I was immensely passionate about in my 20’s and 30’s and at times brought me moments when I thought I was experiencing nirvana. And I dreamed of creating a space where people’s lives could be transformed and healed through yoga, as my life has been as I’ve practiced it in various forms over the past 25 years. That dream did eventually become Keoni Movement Arts, which is now just over 10 years old. It has brought me moments of great joy – what better thing is there than seeing a child laugh out of sheer excitement or seeing a person with a disability doing something she never thought she could do? And it has also brought moments of great fear and anxiety – for e.g., how do you cope with a changing funding landscape every year not knowing if our projects are going to be funded from year to year?
I share these two personal stories to make the point of saying that both experiences have given me opportunities to create a lot more lovingkindness and compassion for myself. There has been a lot of doubt and fear and uncertainly around the creation and sustaining of the nonprofit, and now I am better able to say to myself “well that’s quite normal for someone in my position to experience so let’s try to meet those moments with compassion, gentleness, love and kindness towards myself.”
I have often shared this quote from Buddhist meditation teacher, Sharon Salzberg’s book, Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness:
In cultivating love, we remember one of the most powerful truths the Buddha taught … that the forces in the mind that bring suffering are able to temporarily hold down the positive forces such as love or wisdom, but they can never destroy them.… Love can uproot fear or anger or guilt, because it is a greater power. Love can go anywhere. Nothing can obstruct it.
During this month of February during which Valentine’s Day falls, we can consider love in all of its forms – from romantic love to a general feeling of love and goodwill towards all of humanity. For me, it is particularly comforting to believe that this thing called love can actually overcome and render harmless my inner feelings of fear, anger and guilt. In the throes of fear, anger, and guilt, one can come to think that these experiences are real, and boy are they scary. But for me, fortunately I have a stronger meditation and lovingkindness practice to get me through such moments.
As far as romantic love is concerned, the Buddha’s teachings do have some ideas to offer that could be helpful. According to the Wikipedia entry about Buddhism and Romantic relationships, here are some things to consider:
Buddhism encourages independence through non-attachment. Non-attachment is the idea that in order to be fulfilled and happy in life, a person cannot be attached to any one thing because this thing can cause suffering.[2] In order to be happy and to follow the path of enlightenment, Buddhism teaches people to discard all things in life that can cause pain. This idea is not referring to worldly objects in the physical sense, but in a spiritual sense. To achieve non-attachment, one must detach from the idea of a perfect person and holding one’s partner to an impossible standard. Instead, one must accept a partner for who they are unconditionally. In Buddhism, this is the key to a happy romantic relationship. Accepting a partner for who they are, for who they are throughout their life no matter what changes, and making the best of every situation is how one achieves personal fulfillment in a romantic relationship.
In the early stages of my blossoming relationship with my husband, Ed, I read a wonderfully insightful book called if the Buddha dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path, by Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D. Somewhere in the book I distinctly remember Charlotte offering the idea that when we enter into a relationship, we must start off knowing and accepting that we are not there to change the other person. If we can’t love the person for who and what they are right then and there, then we shouldn’t be seeking to be with that person in a romantic relationship. I took this suggestion to heart, and I remember early on in my relationship with Ed telling him that I loved him exactly as he was. Since that time, we’ve both been changed as we’ve learned from each other, and yet still in some ways we are fundamentally the people we were back then. The point is that I try not to change Ed, but rather to only make his life better and to support his dreams – as he has more than amply supported mine over the past 9 years – in any ways that I can. My practice is to try to love him unconditionally.
The Buddha taught:
If you truly loved yourself, you would never harm another.
I think this speaks to the Buddha’s belief that all beings are interconnected. When we harm another, in a sense we are also harming ourselves.
I think the Buddha could also have said, “If you truly loved yourself, you would never harm yourself.” This would speak to the idea that all parts within ourselves are interconnected.
For sure, loving one’s self, and being kind and compassionate toward one’s self, can be hard at times. Perhaps, then, that is why the Buddha’s practice of Metta (lovingkindness) meditation, begins by offering love and kindness to one’s own self first. Here is a simple practice you can do daily on your own:
Take quiet moments – sitting on your office chair, walking down the street slowly without your cell phone in your hand, standig on the subway platform – to silently say:
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I live with ease.
May my heart be wide open and free.
May your heart truly be wide open and free, for the benefit of all beings everywhere.
Aloha with Metta,
Paul Keoni